Ashamed

I have always been conflicted.

Born in America, raised by

Pakistani parents, and instilled,

With traditional Islamic values.

Alina Qureshy performs Ashamed at LTAB on Feb. 20. Photo by Elise Guilen.

My parents raised me to be a

proper, modest, Muslim girl

Polite, smart, even deferential

To be seen and not heard.

Every meal in my house

Was homemade, with love.

Kicheri and haleem, with

fragrant gulab jamen.

My closet was filled with

Lehengas and shalwar kameezes

Long sleeved shirts and

Full length jeans.

I learned Urdu along

With English, and my mother

Never called me ‘sweetie’ or

‘Honey’ or ‘baby’

No, I was her beti, her

Chanda rani, her dil ki suruth.

But I was also her jan ke azab,

A gadha, an ooloo ki puthi.

But it couldn’t always be this way.

Stepping outside the house was like

Stepping into a different world, and

It was completely different from what I knew

No one knew about

Shah Rukh Khan

Instead, it was all about

Brad Pitt and Zac Effron

My modesty was an anomaly

People thought I was weird or crazy

Everywhere around me was

low cut shirts and short skirts

I was bullied for my ‘otherness’;

For my thick eyebrows and hairy arms

for the mehndi trailing dark red

Patterns Up and down my hands

Going to school only

Taught me how to

Be ashamed; of my culture,

My language, my own self.

So I learned how to assimilate.

I learned the ins and outs

Of how to “American”

Of how to be “normal”

I locked away the girl who

loved her culture and her

heritage, the girl who reveled

In her Lehengas and kurtis.

But then things changed.

I left that place, full

Of ignorance and hate

And discovered myself,

And I realized some things.

I didn’t believe in God,

Or The things my family

told me about the world.

I didn’t want to be proper

Or modest,or polite,

And damn I didn’t want

To be deferential!

I wanted to be LOUD

I wanted to be sarcastic

And sassy and the

Exact opposite of proper

I wanted to believe that it was

Time to stop hating myself

For the Pakistani blood

Running through my veins

Then I came to a new school,

And I learned to unlearn

The self hate that had been self taught.

And instead learned to be proud again.

Proud of my thick eyebrows

And my love of Bollywood.

Proud of my bilingualism

And my traditional clothes.

But I also love America,

The Land of my birth.

The freedom I couldn’t

Have in Pakistan.

My name is Alina afzal qureshy

I’m not American or Pakistani,

But American and Pakistani

And I am no longer ashamed.

Made a comment

In her three years at Steinmetz, Emony has been involved with softball, poetry, the junior committee, National Honors Society, and the Steinmetz Star. Next year she’ll become the opinion editor of the Star. Emony spent her first two years in the Middle Years Programme (MYP); she is now in One Goal. Like many students at Steinmetz, Emony works an after school job.

In addition to her extra curricular activities, school work, and job, outside of school Emony is a youth activist, working with Blocks Together and Youth Service Project.

“I direct and coordinate all youth affairs,” Emony said. “This includes summits, rallies, youth jobs and campaigns.”

For her work on the LSC, which begins at the June 18 meeting, she hopes to work with the LSC to make the school better. Some of her ideas include pushing for more restoritive justice practices, a youth-led school summit for the school community, and a surveying students and parents to help respond to their concerns. She said she’d like to help to improve the atmosphere in the school.

The night includes an opportunity for students to participate in a Streaksgiving service project. The juniors may bring new, travel sized items such as toothbrushes, shampoo and deodorant to be donated to charity.

Venice Gonzalez (right, at pep rally) and Emony Tate (above photo) are two of the juniors involved in organizing the event.

The majority of my summer was spent working. I know that sounds boring, but actually it was the most fun I have ever had.

This summer job took place at Youth Service Project (YSP) located on 3944 W. North Ave. YSP is a youth organization that not only provides you with a job, but also with skills for a future career. My program was not the only job opportunity they have to offer. If you are the ages of 16-24 and need a summer job look up YSP.

My job helped with gaining organizing skills and creating a space to learn about all the social injustices around you. There were 10 other people in my job field. The ages in this specific job field were 16-19. Our mentor/supervisor was a lovely woman named Hilda Franco who is a history and philosophy teacher at Rudy Lozano Leadership Academy.

During this program I created bonds with 10 amazing, socially conscious individuals. I got to learn more about myself. Also, I learned more on how to become a better organizer. I was not the only one to gain so much from the summer job.

“I learned to be more commute,” said Joseph Castro, a senior at Greater Lawndale High School for Social Justice.

Reporter Emony Tate with some of her YSP team members.

“I took friends, knowledge, and education,” said Salvador Guzman, a senior at Rudy Leadership Academy.

The most important things I learned were how to become an ally to women and to improve my leadership skills. The qualities have a interrelationship. To be an ally to women it takes a strong person. I had to learn how not judge females by their actions because I don’t know how they came to be that way.

I also had to learn how not use derogatory terms, such as hoe, thot, slut, and bitch. These words are made by society to keep women as the underdogs and so they can build up self-hate.

Becoming a better ally to women is my way of becoming a better leader. Being a better leader also knows when to step back to let someone else lead. I had to learn this throughout the summer; I am still working on this. After this summer my leadership skills have greatly enhanced.

There are many social injustices around us. Joseph and Salavador said that they are most passionate about “education and sexism” and “restorative justice and oppression.” I am most passionate about the juvenile injustices and Chicago public schools injustices.

To contribute to my school and incorporate what I gained from the summer I am looking to start a social justice club. This club will be active in all communities and learn how to become socially conscious.

“Starting a social justice group in my school. Informing my friends and family. I will stand as a leader. Making people aware of what exist around them.” Said Joseph.

“I am in CSA (Conscious Souls in Action), I am in CSU (Chicago Student Union), and educating myself with notes and diaries,” Salvador said.

These are ways these young adults are making change. If you want to a part of that change, keep your ears open when our social justice club starts. Also, look up Youth Service Project and Blocks Together for opportunities to be a part of this change.